Thoughts on Constructive and Destructive Criticism
My opportunities to write for “The Transforming Truth” have been erratic recently, to say the least, but in today’s blog I want to continue exploring how we respond when things are good, but not great. In the May 3 post, THE DANGER OF “GOOD”, I looked at how we can become negative and critical, as we react to the things which are in need of improvement. One of the statements I made was: “When things are good but not great, criticism has to be constructive or it will be destructive.” In the May 9 post, THE DANGER OF GOOD Part Two, one of the key concepts was: “When people settle for the status quo, or possess the attitude: ‘It’s good enough to get by’, it not only prevents an individual from seeing “much fruit” but it hurts the whole church body.”
In today’s blog, I want to go into more detail regarding how to be constructive with our criticism. Personally, I cringe or flinch when using the word, criticism. When the goal is to help another person and to be constructive, the spirit behind the comments or insights we share is completely different than the words of a critic. Destructive criticism offers a critique, and focuses on what’s wrong.
Constructive criticism is best offered by someone who is humble. The self-proclaimed, pride-driven “expert” has very little desire to be constructive. Their goal is to be right, and to win. These kinds of people are dangerous in a family, school, marriage, on a sports team and in a church.
Constructive criticism is truth and wisdom-based, and not driven by personal opinions and preferences. In our culture people freely express their opinions about anything and everything. Some people even consider it a personal right protected by the First Amendment ~ the freedom of speech. I think a lot of people ignore the words of Jesus in Matthew 12:36 (NIV): “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.”
Constructive criticism is gentle, and gives as much thought to how things will be said, and not just what is to be said. I believe when we offer constructive criticism to someone, we should give equal attention to their feelings (emotions), and not just deal in the facts (or the details of a message we’re communicating).
One of the problems connected with those situations where we’re being compelled to confront someone and communicate a difficult message is some people have to hype themselves up. Some people are motivated by anger, so by the time they speak their words are harsh and forceful. Some people are motivated by insecurity, so they act like a playground bully and become very aggressive. Some people are motivated by jealousy, so they’re very condemning and their communication is more of a personal attack. Some people are motivated by a personal agenda, and they’ll frame things in the context of a battle between two opposing sides. Proverbs 15:1 (NLT) applies in so many different life situations: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.”
This blog felt more like I was rambling and sharing random thoughts, but I hope something which was written will help you to help those around you to make the move from good to great, from fruit to much fruit. Hebrews 10:24 (NLT) says, “Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds.”
Back in the day when I was still playing church league softball, one of my teammates was a former college football player. One day we were talking about different coaching styles we each experienced in our years of playing football. His position coach was the type who would yell and say demeaning and humiliating things to the players. It seems his idea was to shame his players into a better performance. From that point on I would joke with my friend during games by calling him a bum and telling him he was no good. It usually made both of us laugh and it was always done in fun. Sadly, there are many people who seem to think that the way to encourage others is to discourage them. The way to help others be their best, you have to tell them they’re the worst. The way to build someone up is to tear them down. Not only is this completely contrary to living as Jesus lived, but it really defies logic on multiple levels. I am deeply saddened when parents use this approach on their children, or a manager [foreman, project lead, boss] tries this on his or her employees. Teachers try this on their students or a spouse is harshly critical of the one they promised before God “to love, honor and cherish.” Some pastor’s are very hard on their church and some churches are very hard on their pastors. It’s all wrong!
In our next blog I want to look at how to encourage someone towards a whole new level of fruitfulness and effectiveness for the kingdom of God.
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