ARE YOU ON SOMEONE'S TRUTH TEAM?

In my previous post (ARE YOU ON SOMEONE’S PRAYER TEAM?), we looked at what it means to offer support through prayer to someone so they can achieve the maximum expression of God’s gifts in their life. In this post I want to look at what it means to speak the truth in love. In Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) Paul writes: “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” This verse has been misapplied in a lot of different situations, such as justifying saying harsh things to someone. “Hey, I’m just speaking the truth in love.” When I’ve been on the receiving end of these stinging attacks, I want to say to the person: “I wish you weren’t so loving!” A key in understanding the verse and correctly applying it in our lives is in the first word, instead.  “Instead” points to the preceding verses, where Paul is stating the purpose of what is often called the five-fold ministry of the church (apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers) and is specifically reflected in V12: “to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up.” (NIV) So, the reason for “speaking the truth in love” is so people will be fully prepared to use their God-given gifts in the ministry of the body of Christ (a term for the Church). In V14 Paul alludes to three things which are working against people fully functioning in their spiritual gifts: SPIRITUAL IMMATURITY; FALSE DOCTRINE; and WRONG MOTIVES. As I consider these three areas one of the things which is clear to me is how each have the potential to diminish or even destroy any effective serving [ministry] someone may have. Without much work I can think of highly gifted individuals who were ineffective or became ineffective because they were derailed by one or more of these areas. I have to wonder whether things could have worked out differently IF there would have been someone who possessed the courage and caring for “speaking the truth in love.” Maybe it wouldn’t have helped because people aren’t always open to correction, and none of us really likes being told we’ve got issues in our life. But maybe it would have helped.

Another verse which comes to mind related to speaking the truth is Galatians 6:1 (NIV) “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.” It’s the word, GENTLY, which I believe is a key to how we approach someone when “speaking the truth in love.” We don’t come with an attitude, “Let me tell you how messed up you are or how you’re wrong.” We don’t come with aggressiveness. This isn’t the time to be forceful and pushy. The two words: LOVE and GENTLY, must determine our attitude. There’s no better definition of love than 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a: (NIV) “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.” Following this definition and description of love provides the greatest possibility our efforts in serving on someone’s “truth team” will be successful.

It’s probably obvious, but I think it’s necessary to state that “speaking the truth in love” has to function in the context of relationship. I believe the stronger the relationship, the more effective efforts in this vitally important area will be. It would be ideal if you were in a relationship, where there exists a mutual agreement to speak truth into each others’ lives in the vein of Proverbs 27:17 (NLT) “As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend.” We all have blind spots, or things about ourselves we don’t see, either because we’re unaware or we’re successfully in denial. A good friend, who we’re confident is committed to our spiritual health and success, can help us identify those areas and deal with them. All of us should strive to be that kind of friend.

There have been many books and articles written on the theme, “caring enough to confront.” For me, the word “confront” puts the whole “speaking the truth in love” idea into a very intense context. I prefer to think of it as “caring enough to care.” Caring enough to speak up, when we see something (likely related to Paul’s three areas: IMMATURITY; FALSE DOCTRINE; and WRONG MOTIVES) that is hindering our friend from maximizing the spiritual gifts God has given them, is the only way to go. It’s easier to ignore the things we see. It’s riskier to speak up. But there’s too much at stake to remain silent.